


i'll love you right

by orphan_account



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alcohol, Deaf West, F/F, Freeform, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lesbians, Letter, and suicide mention, marthanna, this is more like poetry tbh, this is short and shitty but, tw for reference to marthas situation, what can i say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 05:12:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8698369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 19. things you said when we were the happiest we ever were





	

**Author's Note:**

> another fic of utter shit :') this is just angst i just want them to be happy tbh

dear anna, anna, anna, 

ilse got me out and i’ll come back one day, anna, okay? i can’t call, or text, can’t leave you anything but this. i wish i could have hugged you or touched your face or told you, but i couldn’t stay another second. you gave me the strength to do this, anna. you gave me the strength to fly away. i’ll come back and we’ll take wendla’s scissors and cut my braids all off. so yeah, this is my goodbye, but it’s not a goodbye. not really.

do you remember that day? it was a thursday and my dad was out of town, for once, god. it was before, before mo blew his brains out and everything went to shit, but all the bad stuff was accumulating. we were in a pressure cooker and it was bound to go off, anna, it had to.

maybe it was the last good day.

it was a thursday and my dad was out of town and we got drunk in the old park, sprawled in the rust-colored grass with our mcdonalds takeout. maybe it was the cheap beer or your hair in the sunlight, but i felt so light. like i could fly away.

i can’t remember the last time i laughed, before that afternoon, really laughed, until my stomach hurt and i was doubled over, clutching your wheelchair for support. we stayed there in the grass until all our fries were gone, until the stars came out, pinpricks of light in the velvet sky. 

and you kissed me, anna, with only the stars watching, and that was the only beautiful thing i’ve ever felt, i think. was i dreaming? you tasted like bud light lime and chocolate ice cream, and it was soft and sweet, and–oh anna.

you said you loved me. that day, when we were the happiest we ever were. and i never got to say it back, because our best friends were dropping dead like flies and i was so sure i’d be next, so sure i’d throw myself off the old bridge because my world, it was collapsing on itself. i never got the chance.

i’m scared. i’m so scared, scared i’m like him, like–like my father. i’m afraid of the twist in my gut, of the abyss, no way out, and most of all i’m afraid of turning into some kind of fucking black hole. i didn’t grow up with room for hope and shit, right? i didn’t grow up anything except for scared but there’s something else now–there’s your hair in the moonlight and the crinkle of your eyes when you laugh, and it’s going to be okay, right. it’s gonna be okay. and i’ll love your light, anna. i’ll love you right.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu @nadivy on tumblr, and kudos/comments r always appreciated!!


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